We have news to share that prior to now, I was either too scared to write about it or too tired to stay up late to blog. We are pregnant with baby number 3! Due date is March 11, 2011 which places us at 18 weeks tomorrow. Scared and nervous, but extremely wanting this child we call our view on this pregnancy as "cautiously optimistic".
In the womb we called Zane "Ziggy the zygote", with Bryce it was "El (elvis) the embryo". This baby was simple... just Z3. You should know that we decided after it took us literally over an hour to come up with El the Embryo that from that point forward we were going to call any future pregnancies Z3, Z4, Z5 etc. (Although at the time I never thought I would be pregnant 3 times.) 14 weeks ago, we decided to stick with Z3, thinking it was kind of cute. Hence the name. Even though I have not blogged any stories about Z3 up to now, I have taken a few pictures of the growing belly and also placed the ultrasound photos in a
web album. Please take a look and notice how truly happy I am about this baby.
For weeks I have been wanting to write about this pregnancy, but truthfully I did not know what to say and I also did not want to document all my sad and fearful feelings. This pregnancy is a new and completely different pregnancy. This baby deserves my love and attention and even though I will always love and remember Bryce, I do not want Z3 to be overshadowed by any sadness.
So here is a quick catch up of this pregnancy, and more posts will follow soon:
Starting Jan 2010 we began officially "trying" and every month from April on, when it did not happen I cried and thought something must be wrong. I know in general it takes parents sometimes up to a year to get pregnant, but with Zane and Bryce we were pregnant on the first try and I thought that maybe something was genetically wrong and that Zane was our miracle child. Plus in this modern age, it is pretty easy to know when you are ovulating. Between books and tests, it leaves little spontaneity in the "let's keep trying" phase. So come May, I made a deal with myself. I either get pregnant by my June cycle or I am taking a hiatus. I was placing too much pressure on myself and obviously still very sad at the year anniversary of Bryce's death. So here was the deal (made with the help of my dear friend
Santosh), if I was pregnant by July 4th great! If not, I was going to buy a plane ticket to India and travel with her over Thanksgiving. Trust me I totally thought it was a win-win and at least I was excited about something come the end of my June cycle.
Well surprise surprise,over the July 4th holiday we confirmed I was pregnant and baby number 3 was on its way! Morning sickness began quickly after that and even continues to this day. I only have a 2 day max window so far of my stomach being at ease. BUT do not feel sorry for me, I consider this a good sign. With Zane I was sick until week 18, with Bryce I was barely sick at all so in general I am happy to be sick. Strange but true. I know there is no scientific evidence for the level of sickness being equated to how healthy a baby is, it is a metric for me... at least it calms me down during the rough mornings. =)
Even with our past history, we elected to not run any genetic tests on Z3 (at least not until the 20 week ultrasound). We reasoned that we are a family that can take care and love a special needs child, so all that mattered to us was if the child could survive and what type of quality of life he/she would have. CVS and amniocentesis comes with a risk, and we definitely want to minimize all risks associated with this pregnancy. So we decided to wait until the high resolution ultrasound (given instantly to us because of our history) and see what blessings were in store for us. Of course this is easier said than done. I have been in a state of fear this entire pregnancy that only recently did I realize the weight I had been carrying around.
After discussing concerns with our OB at our 13 week check up, we made an ~18 weeks ultrasound appointment (2 weeks early but still able to detect any malformations) at Stanford Children's Hospital. By now, my Amgen colleagues knew I was pregnant because it was pretty obvious if you looked at me. Plus we just passed the first trimester milestone so I began to become more positive about this pregnancy and Z3. Both Harriet and Nana took me on a lovely shopping spree to get some new duds. (Not that I "needed" any clothes, but I am always up for a little pampering.) It was very appreciated. Then at 16 weeks, my sweet and adoring husband bought me a
gorgeous necklace to celebrate my 3 children. I absolutely love it! Plus my energy level recently returned to allow me to stay up until 10pm, (prior to this I was crashing with Zane at 8:30pm). So life has been pretty good for the past few weeks.
Prior to our ultrasound, our therapy sessions had given us a mantra "We did this on purpose for our family". Many family and friends stated "this one will be o.k.", but that honestly did not make me feel better. I kept thinking there was still no way to know, so what made me feel better was "we did this on purpose for our family". It included the chance we were taking, the risk of our hearts breaking again, knowing that we wanted "child
ren", and that Zane and his grandparents deserve more. So the morning of and any other stressful moment prior to our ultrasound I reminded myself that we did this on purpose for our family.
Last Friday Oct 8th, we had our ultrasound. Within seconds we could see that Z3's stomach and heart were in the right place and I began to cry. Then I cried more because what a horrible metric to have. It was just a reminder to how sad a life Bryce actually had. Wonderful news continued to follow as the lead radiologist told us that "No fetal malformations were identified". There was a clear facial profile with an intact palate and the cutest little legs that matched Zane (and mine). Z3 loves to wave and we were very happy to see his heartbeat. We left the ultrasound in a state of shock, realizing this is how it is
suppose to happen - the first with all three pregnancies (even with Zane they found a Choroid Plexus Cysts in his brain that lead us to have discussions with genetic counselors-- obvious he is fine and now they claim the presence of one cyst as a normal part of brain development). Z3 gave us the first clear ultrasound, leaving us dazed. We were prepared to hear some sort of bad news... even if it was something that you can have a
healthy child with, but to hear the most perfect news left us in disbelief and VERY HAPPY.
Just for clarification, this was a level 2 ultrasound. They looked at brain, heart, facial structures, diaphragm, stomach, bowel, kidneys, bladder, spine, hands, feet, placenta, cord insertion and placement around maternal cervix. ALL reports came back within normal limits. YEAH!!!!!
Cheers to Z3! Congratulations little kiddo! We are so happy and have been in love with you since prior to your conception. I am even more pleased that you are healthy and feel blessed that you have touched our life. Just ~20 more weeks to go. Hang in there and no rushing out!
So I am sure you are wondering what is the gender of Z3. Well, we wanted to celebrate a healthy child first so we waited to find out the sex. BUT we did have the radiologist place a picture in a card for us to open at a time of our choosing.
Over the weekend we did open the card and celebrated as well. We are very excited to announce that Z3 is definitely a boy or a girl. Another post will follow, so stay tuned. I figured this post has enough in it to write about.
Love to all,
Dianna
